How Women Pay the Price- this way or that way!
Men will be Men, Let boys be boys —
If needed, the “females” will adjust
The “Pink Tax” is extended in women’s lives more than mere feminine products.
Women keeps on paying price with their lives, their choices and the end result is in this world- I can bluntly say women pays the price.
Be it toxic patriarchy or the under the subtle “covering” in the name of culture and norm of matriarchy
Be it Rape, Harassments, Assaults-
what was she wearing?
She was asking for it!
Wasn’t she aware she would end up like this?
Why did she revolt/ talk back? That was foolish of her!
Good girls don’t do that!
I knew this would have happened to her!
Women are not supposed to be that loud and demanding, after all it is a men’s world!
Be it Infertility- The first finger to point out is towards a women, maybe BY a woman. There is a massive effect on mental health and load on women when it comes to having kids. it is seen solely as a failure of women. It all depends on the power to bear a child right? So, women should know how to deal with that better and nothing can be wrong with men when it comes to making babies right????
Be it occasion of childbirth- be it a son or daughter — just because mother gives birth it is women who are affected. No point on writing about that cause we all know it! What's coming out of oven doesn’t mean Oven is it be blamed for what went inside- there are two sides and gender is solely dependent on Men and no living being have anything to control that to be specific. But as women, we all should have known better to take the blame without flinching eyes!
Be it Pregnancy- planned: you have to endure the pain and agony. You are mother, you are amazing and nothing can top you. SO as a woman you become milking machine, with zero sleep and no sanity. That is glorified in our society in the name of sacrifice. So, before entering the motherhood phase, you should have known better!
Be it pregnancy- surprise/ unplanned: you go through it. You can’t act surprised and just go on with your daily lives cause my dear the mental and physical toll will be on you….although the process was a both way thing, as woman you should have known better!
Divorce?- OMG, its the women who wasn’t good enough to guard the relationship and this is what happens when such women who do not know better end up being married!
Extramarital affair- She wasn’t happy with what she had??? Bad for her. Oh, the husband had an affair, the wife is to be blamed!
Either way, women pay the price in different ways for being different, lazy, not good enough, not trying enough, not being bold enough, not being timid enough, labeled, shunned and always subjected to criticism.
Let’s get into recent event in Dhaka, a 17 year old dying in the hands of a 21 year old boyfriend, I have gone through quiet a few articles, writing, new and what not on this. All the comment sections on social media was filled with how it was the girl to be blamed. Some were blaming the mother of the deceased, parents of the girl. You ask me, both are to be blamed for the incident. But the girl loosing her life, surely the the other side is to be blamed. Where are the basic teachings of “No means NO”, Where are the boundaries? How do we define all of these?
We are forgetting that we have way too many distractions around us in the current times. Ways of life is no longer clear cut, simple or limited to certain choices. We can not behave, think and deal things we did 10/ 20/ 50 or even 2 years back. Elders can say “during our times……..”and then get distracted looking at their mobiles in their hands for the WhatsApp group chat “good morning” messages- I see all, everyone- being consumed by technology/ other distractions or whatever the current times are offering us- let it be tiktok videos, memes with Bernie Sanders or the debate on COVID vaccines.
I am no one to judge which is good or bad. But I will surely try to tell others what I feel. Striking a balance between it all.
Now getting back to the issue of the death of youngster- it was extremely disturbing. You can no longer close your eyes- specially living in a country as ours. I believe anything can happen to any of us and May Allah forgive us/ May God Forbid- we don’t tend to care much unless it is US as the victim. When things go wrong, when there is a female in question or is part of the scene- we all somehow “solely” blame her (not saying always it is NOT logical or valid)- we love to judge her based on every single aspect possible starting from attire, hair, complexion, behavior, lifestyle, gadgets model…….it ends up discovering/ sharing/ making her personal pictures/ information going viral on social media. That is how people-despite of gender- be it men/ women we all indulge in talking shit about her.
She was asking for it, she dressed up for it, she welcomes others, entices others- these are the terms we hear. Since I do not really believe Bangladesh being originally “culturally rich” I see things from religious perspective I think its people’s lack of knowledge of being better. It is entirely up to the men/ oppressors' so I blame them!
Even if that is the case, How many times have you heard a girl/ lady/ woman was assaulted for wearing short skirt and partying around in the middle of the night. Was the Elderly lady from Noakhali, or the small girl from school was attacked for being at the “wrong place at wrong time with wrong attire”?
No!
SO?? Why do women always pay the price? Be is family, society, work place? Be it their mental health, be it their physical health.
You have heard the phase “সংসার সুখের হয় রমণীর গুণে” and “It is a men’s world”- do we think we can co exist with such shitty norms?? Well DUH! No :P
Because, truly “সংসার সুখের হয় দু জনের গুণে”
It is one world- despite of gender.
Nature doesn't like abnormalities but we do — so it feels so so wrong!
We all have elderly women around us cooking, rearing, taking care of us and end of the day who are told “ they have not done enough?” Sounds familiar?
Do you know about the “selfish” daughter in law who wanted to have her own ways- wanting to lead and do things on her own labeled as rebellious for not being “cooperative” enough to continue the same toxic culture we see in Hindi serials?
Do you know about the “selfless” women in your lives who loves doing things for us and expects to continue the cycle. No problem with that, but how selfless is the act when you love washing your children’s plate and want their spouses to do the same? Are you not being selfless and selfish at the same position?
let alone the men, How can being a woman make you hostile against other women- absolutely forgetting the fact that you, yourself would have suffered if you were subjected to the same situation?
Why are ambitious women slut/ whore while timid less ambitious ones better balanced and controlled? Why are women always subjected to scrutiny and judgement while rest of the world is “Men’s world” created by both men and women?
Why?
Please don’t just do what’s easy- following the norm of never ending whirlwind of bashing women. Think! Think before you speak and comment. Just remember that nature sends back what you are giving to the world in return. Don’t do or say things aimlessly!
A lot of people might find this write up to be vague…….amorphous! It is okay! The world should be okay with people having different opinions/ thoughts- which is the beauty of world. That is how we should be. THAT IS WHAT I AM TRYING TO SAY!
Well I happen to be a proud member of female clan who happen to have “Hormones” which is the reason why we women are blamed when a tiny bit of things go out of norm. Sometimes we are blamed of breathing and having needs and wants.
What I really want is to live my life, not very out of norm but being ME, not pleasing the people I happen to loathe for obvious reasons who have failed me and lost their respects for their very own reasons.
No, i don't want to pay the price with my mental and physical being for what others expect of me. I have higher power to please. So please let me be me and let me pay (with my life, choices, earnings and every other way) for what I want and not what OTHERS want :)
If Allah allows me to live and see future, May He give me the ability to be better example in future. That's what I truly desire.
